After many a blog penned by those barky dogs, the rest of
the farm clubbed together and petitioned Stockman Mack for some words other
than fur-based frolics. As the youngest,
I drew the short straw (mainly because I couldn’t reach the best stuff in the
feeder).
My name is Snowball.
Well, I say that’s my name, but really, it’s only what humans and dogs
call me. Cow-tongue is far too
complicated for people, and the way they massacre the möömläüts is shocking, so
we’d rather they didn’t bother and stuck to their impoverished sound system.
And I can’t face thinking about the complete lack of significant pauses in
their wittering … don’t they know how important silence and a long chew can be
to indicate emphasis, time, manner and place? How on earth they managed to
convey the location of tasty tidbits in a large field is beyond me.
I was born on a cold, windy night about a week ago – the
cold, windy nights being the norm here at the moment I gather, and the reason
for Stockman Mack’s grumpy face. Very kindly, mum had been put into a toasty
warm part of the shed, with only Pinkie (my friend) and her own mother – so
quite a posh setup compared to the lesser accommodations across the way. It was
a bit of a shock being unceremoniously dropped out of my lovely warm pools of
dreams onto a hard floor … albeit covered in clean straw. Mum gave me a good
licking, and once I had shaken off the confusion, I realised I was thirsty and
found the nearest teat. Unfortunately, in local parlance, mum’s “milk had not
yet fully come in”, so Farmer Ian decided that I needed to be tubed with some
colostrum, the magic elixir that gives a calf all of the things he needs to get
started in the world. This was going to prove to be harder than expected, as
mum had a real arse-ache on with the humans.
Farmer Ian drafted in help from Stockman Mack, but every time
either one entered the shed, mum went for them with her head down and at speed
– fortunately for them, they were expecting this and are far lighter on their
feet than cattle so can change direction quickly. However, I am sure that
having over half a tonne of mum heading towards you must be a bit unnerving.
After much shifting of partitions, sheep, Pinkie and her mother, and a very
considerable amount of swearing, I ended up on the other side of a gate and
could be tubed – not particularly pleasant, but very warming. I ended up pretty
tummy-happy, although parental bellowing and darting at the fence continued
until I was returned. The second time was much smoother, as Farmer Ian sneaked
into the back of the shed while mum had her head in the feeder, bodily picked
me up, and whisked me out into the lean-to.
Our days are pretty quiet, apart from the next-door sheep
going into the yard once a day for cake, and being very noisy about it. There
are cattle in three more of the sheds, and all need silage or hay. It’s much
better being inside as the weather is very unpleasant … I hear tell that some
sheep are still outside, but they are quite hardy (albeit stupid) beasts, and
some are getting swede to eat – lucky them! I’ve been informed that once the
fields dry up a bit and the grass starts to grow, we'll go outside – which is
a bit daunting. Before then, Pinkie, parentals and I will go in with the other,
older, calves and our dad. I’m looking forwards to that, but have to grow a bit
more first so that I can reach the hay and also hold my own (ie get out of the
way when big old dad bumbles around … mum says I look just like him, but not
quite as dim).
Most of the sheep next-door and elsewhere are pregnant, and
before yeaning they have to be scanned to see what is inside and then have
their bums shaved if they have lambs. Not sure I would like that job really,
but apparently it makes for cleaner delivery and healthier lambs. I’m quite looking
forwards to having the radio on at night to keep us company, although would
prefer something other than Radio 2 (Mack favours 4 or Classic FM, but has been
voted down; to be honest, he’d really like a loop of the Fortunately
podcasts running 24 hours a day).
I suppose that’s it for the moment, as I really do need to
get back to suck an udder or two, snuggle up in the straw, and have a long nap.
It’s been exhausting.
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| Me 'n Pinkie |
